Last year I was dating this guy that I really liked. It was different than any other boyfriend that I've ever had before b/c we had a friendship. I felt so comfortable around him, and sometimes he even reminded me of myself. Anywho, all that comfortable-ness led me into loosing my virginity to him. I was trying to hold it for marriage but it just felt right with him. After feeling guilty about losing my virginity, I broke up with him with no warning! The poor thing was heart broken. And so was I, so we ended up dating again but never were we ever official again. You know that place where people can get: where there are absolutely no titles but a billion unspoken rules and expectations . . . yea that's where we were. And he ended up talking to other girls in my face and just all on myspace with other chicks.
We ended up dramatically arguing and completely stopped talking for about 3 months. Until I started recieving e-mails from him asking can we at least be friends. I just didn't want to have anything more to do with the situation. I felt the rational thing to do, would be to completely leave each other alone, I mean, its obviously not working out. But after many persistent e-mails and phone calls later we are legitamately friends. However, I can still tell that he still has feelings for me and I know I still have some feelings for him. But through the course of the time when we were actually dating, there had been so much disrespect and damage done on both ends. Him lying in my bed on the phone with the next girl, never wanting to introduce me to his parents (and I'm a really nice girl), me never meeting any of his friends. That was all just wierd enough while we were dating, so the fact that with all of that going and we're still able to laugh and joke with each other . . . . I don't necesssarily want that to end. However, I don't want to be "friends" with someone that after all of that, I still really like! Isn't that unhealthy and could end to more drama? Or should I just fight the feelings that I have, while ignoring his and still be friends?
What's a girl to do?
THE EX FILES . . . What to do when you still want the one that's no good for you?
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Posted by Tue Aug 5, 2008 10:46am PDT
Report AbuseOn one hand when you "love" someone like that you can't just be friends. That's something that just can't happen so you just gotta let it go. Then again if you choose to be more than just friends and be together then ask yourself if you are emotionally ready to trust him. If you can't trust him then you set yourself up for other bad things to happen...just like you said. Believe me I know. I'm there now. It's one or the other though....
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Posted by Tue Aug 5, 2008 10:55am PDT
Report AbuseSomeday you're going to know for sure if this is the guy for you. I think you should keep him around, maybe more at bay, talk about your dates and listen to him talk about his and no matter how much it pains you, just be casual and like you could care less about his life. Maybe someday things will work themselves out, simply because you didn't force it and if you ever wake up and realize you're in love with him and no one else comes close, you'll want him in your life so it's easy to tell him so.
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Posted by Tue Aug 5, 2008 12:09pm PDT
Report AbuseOnce a relationship ends for the first time, things are never the same when you get back together are they? Been there done that, twice. It's hard for both of you to forget all the damaging things that were said and the disrespect that was shown. And speaking of respect, if your relationship was serious, he would NOT have been talking to another woman on the phone while lying in your bed. To me, that's a deal breaker. Whether or not he's "good" for you, I guess only time will tell. My b/f and I didn't talk for over a month and one day decided to get back together, but ever since then, I can't seem to forget some of the damage that was done prior. I guess the best thing to do is to not expect that this will be the "one", because most of the guys you will date won't be the "one". I would keep him in my life, because as you go through more and more life experiences and maybe even dating different people, you may realize you love each other in the future, or vice versa. I like to believe that every couple has hard times, and if you can get past those times, things may be better than ever, and if you can't, things just weren't meant to be. Definately keep him as a friend, but nothing more if he's no good for you and can't treat you with RESPECT.
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Posted by Tue Aug 5, 2008 12:22pm PDT
Report AbuseThere are three sides to every story. Yours, his and the truth. Sounds to me like you both have some growing up to do.
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Posted by Tue Aug 5, 2008 12:23pm PDT
Report AbuseI don't know this is a hard thing to be going through. When u care about someone sometimes its hard to see them with someone else. If you guys were dating and no ties then he really did nothing wrong.I could see how u felt disrespected but You broke up with him (for reasons i can understand) but he has all the right to try and meet new people. No offense to you.Even if you were talking with no title. If you were friends before try and remain friends. Sometimes people are better off friends then bf and gf. If its meant to be it will happen type deal. But if you wanna try and be with him the main thing in a relationship is Trust and if you don't have that from the begining there is no point in trying.
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Posted by Tue Aug 5, 2008 1:56pm PDT
Report AbuseI liked that short comment: there are three sides to every story. That applies to some other matters that have been dealt with here. You seem to be very young.I would tell him that we are going nowhere like that. That there is not fun in the relationship anymore,or that there´s more pain than fun. Let him know that you still have some feelings about him and you are willing to continue with the relationship, but since the goal is to enjoy it, some changes in the attitudes are required. If there´s no change let´s call it quits.
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Posted by Tue Aug 5, 2008 4:06pm PDT
Report AbuseIn my experience, I go with the saying: fool me once shame on you; fool me twice shame on me. And that's exactly what happened: after 2yrs I broke up the the b/f and went with someone else for 1.5 yrs. I broke up with that one, and went back to b/f #1 cuz I thought he had changed. He did but only for a little while then went back to his old ways (he's borderline personality disordered). I put up with his bulls**t for 10 months and was willing to put up for it another few months till the end of the year. Well, he broke up me via a hurtful letter on my windshield. The things he said in there were so totally unforgivable. So, it's done and over with. I'm with someone new who treats me well and now the first b/f is stalking me (he has a history of this). Everyone deserves a second chance, but when they screw up again.....NO more. Run. Away. Don't look back. A tiger can't change his stripes, he can only roll in the mud and cover them up. Eventually the truth will rain down and wash the mud away.
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Posted by Tue Aug 5, 2008 8:27pm PDT
Report Abusewow im scared jsut reading this it's so close to what i;m going through it's rediculus i'm just a few chapters behind u i hope things go well cuz i have the same isue. :(
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Posted by Wed Aug 6, 2008 12:50am PDT
Report AbuseHey, I have had the same experience as you did and I'm in the same situation now. I keep in touch with this guy and we haven't dated anybody else since we split up. I did like very much what Kit suggestet. I think you should be friends with him but at the same time u should see other guys. He should do the same. Talk to each other about your relationships and try not to worry about it. Once you have met new people, only time will tell if you love each other and if you are made for each other. I am going to do the same thing with my ex. Let's hope for the best!
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Posted by Wed Aug 6, 2008 6:04am PDT
Report AbuseYou already know he is not good for you. So move on, find someone else. Maybe he has a personality problem so you are isolated from his family and friend, or he has another girlfriend :-)
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