With Americans spending more and more time at work, it’s no wonder some people have “office wives” or “office husbands” -- people who become surrogate spouses. But what happens when those relationships cross the line?
Not all office relationships are bad; they make the drudgery of
work bearable. And some trysts happily become marriages. But those
are the happy stories, as rare as lottery winners.
Sure Pam and Jim from “The Office” had their ups and downs, but
it's make-believe, people! And for every real-life Pam and Jim,
there’s a secretive Letterman love nest that goes up in flames.
And some trysts become office nightmares. After a breakup, anything
from a ruined reputation, awkwardness and harassment can
follow.
But love is love; your heart wants what it wants. So, against all
reasoning, here are a few things to keep your office tryst under
the radar:
Step 1
Don’t tell anyone. As Benjamin Franklin said, “Three
people can keep a secret if two are dead.” There is no surer way to
release the cat from the bag than to tell a trusted friend. It’s a
law of nature: office gossip like this cannot be contained and will
spread like a stomach flu.
Step 2
Avoid any hanky-panky at the office. No ifs, ands or
butts. This means no stolen kisses in the copy room; no flirty taps
on the behind in the hallway; no cutesy nick-names; and most
definitely no using the office desk in ways it was never designed
for.
Step 3
Avoid each other at work. This includes all work
functions, especially the holiday office party and picnics. Maybe
this is impossible, but do your best to keep your time together at
a minimum. You may think you’re keeping things secret, but have a
little more respect for your office mates: the energy between you
and your lover is palpable.
Step 4
Practice denial. If confronted by a nosy colleague, admit
you have an attraction, (I mean, your co-workers aren’t stupid),
but you are certainly not going to figuratively poo where you
eat.
Step 5
Think like a mobster in Witness Protection: you have raised
suspicions and your movements are being tracked. At night,
leave the office separately. In the morning, don’t arrive from your
bedded bliss together. Work-time lunches together are verboten, as
well.
Step 6
Beware of the places you meet in public. Your colleagues
are people, too, and may be surprised to find you in a dimly lit
restaurant discussing more than the quarterly report. You know
exactly what they are going to report come Monday morning.
Step 7
Watch what you email. Email in the workplace can be
legally monitored. Don't get caught in an embarrassing email
sex thread with your lover. You know you've been busted when
the IT guy gives you a creepy wink.
Step 8
In this day and age of technical wizardry, watch what you
post about on your Facebook or MySpace account. Even if
you don’t upload an incriminating photo, if both you and your lover
post about a weekend hot spot, inquiring minds will surmise you
spent it together.
Step 9
Keep up your work. An office tryst can be a thrilling
adventure, but keep your eyes on the prize: your paycheck. Don’t
allow the romance to waylay your career. Sure, the relationship may
be no one else's business but yours, but the fact is perception
is reality. You are doing your career no help by being seen as a
home-wrecker or the office player.
Step 10
Never, ever, ever, date your boss. But now that you’ve
broken that rule, don’t be surprised when s/he transfers you to
another office after your breakup. If you play with fire, be
prepared to get burned. The opposite holds true; if you are a boss
and date your subordinate, then look forward to a lawsuit that may
sully your reputation forever. Happy times!
Step 11
Decide if it's love or lust. If it's love, go for
broke and let nothing stop you. If lust, put your hormones on ice
and move onto greener pastures outside the office.
How to Keep Your Office Tryst on the
DL originally published on eHow.com
Have you ever had an office romance? How did it work
out for you?
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