isn't your significant other also supposed to be your biggest
supporter? please correct me if i'm wrong.
i can't talk to him about problems anymore. all he does is take
the other person's side or yell at me if i'm feeling down
about something. so i just quit talking to him about stuff.
i know this is bad. i know lack of communication is bad. i know
that, if you take a problem to a guy, he wants to fix it for you,
but you can't "fix" a person by making them feel bad
for feeling something or reacting to a situation. it's like he
expects me to be him. i've told him on several occasions that i
am NOT him and will never be.
he just doesn't get it. so my solution for now is to just keep
my problems to myself, unless they absolutely need his attention
(i.e: the car won't start).
what makes things worse is that he doesn't listen. he expects
me to listen to everything he talks about with rapt attention but
anything i want to say, unless it's related to my health (i
have a seizure disorder) it's like he's not even listening.
he just goes on to talk about whatever stupid thing he wants to
say. another reason why i quit talking. why waste my breath and
just feel like crap when he has no response to something i said
that made me so happy? it's like he takes my comments and
throws them in the dumpster.
if i ever were to bring these issues up to him, he would figure out
a way to turn the situation around and make it my fault. it's
something I'M doing wrong, not him. it's always that way
with him. it's never anything he has to change. i'm always
the one who has to make the effort to change to meet his needs.
well, here's another change, buddy. i hope you like it. i will
no longer tell you about the woman i talked to on the phone who
reminded me of my mother, or the funny thing i saw a squirrel do on
my way home that made me laugh, since you're not even going to
look at me or respond when i'm done talking and you'll just
go on about YOUR day.
i won't tell you about the problem i have at work with the lady
who won't stop talking, because you're just going to either
take her side or tell me about how it's all my fault that she
talks so much and i'll end up crying and feeling like crap at
the end of the conversation.
i won't tell you about my art and hobbies that you view as such
a waste of time, even though your hobbies take up all our spare
room and waste our money and run up our credit cards. you want me
to have this surgery? ha! quit buying s--- first so maybe, just
maybe we can afford it someday in the near future. i don't know
how we'll ever afford to have kids.
this really turned into a rant, didn't it? no worries, i'm
sure no one is going to read it, anyways. bless the anonymous
internet. well, maybe someone in a similar situation will read it
and we can cry together. maybe i can get in another good cry before
he gets home. i have never felt so lonely in my married
life.
i can't talk to him anymore
user
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Posted by Tue Oct 20, 2009 2:01pm PDT
Report Abusei certainly know what you are saying and i do understand, let me tell you this tho, its NOT your fault, YOU do not need to change, you just need to be more accertive if you want his attention and tell him how you feel before your marriage dissolves in front of your eyes. be brave and stand up for your self, you say he cares about your health complaints so he cares about you. smile and expect a smile in return.
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Posted by Tue Oct 20, 2009 2:06pm PDT
Report Abuseohhh hun!!! you have control over yourself and that is a good thong.Your holding your tonge for good reasons that only you know. It will turn the other way or it will come to bay (REST) as in you two will bond from this somehow.let's try to look at the good things. for one you no not what to do to piss him off...you dont want to get hit or get a s shattered mind that will break you down ....your protecting yourself and that is good .your smart enough to see things ,view,think,and have a outcome from this.tables turn ,they always do .you are doing your job and your doing it well
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Posted by Tue Oct 20, 2009 2:27pm PDT
Report Abusealso your not giveing up !!im sure he loves you for that .all story book love affairs ,your life with him end well .you know what your doing is right ,let him wrong himself ...srry but if he wrongs himself then relizes that he is really wronging you ....when it hit's him he will be on you like he just met you yesterday!!! his mind will start to play tricks ,and it will be him with the bruised ego ,soul,heart,mind,and uhhhh let's say he will be thinking like you are now!, without you doing a thing wrong.......it's called his own karma turning on him .karma is good and bad ,it depends on how we use our minds .be strong and stay in control ,dont stand up,just stay still .He wont want to leave the girl who never wronged him RIHGT????????????????????
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Posted by Tue Oct 20, 2009 2:31pm PDT
Report Abuseand yes know he cares for your heath we all do ,and yes stand up for yourself but carefully.qwick wit my sister. much love ,peace and joy.
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Posted by Tue Oct 20, 2009 2:42pm PDT
Report Abusesrry one more thing .since your sick (ill)pick yourself up everyday and put sunshine on your face .Your glow will shine and show confidents .LOVE yourself more and more......it's like wetting a dry sponge ,it comes back to life!
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Posted by Wed Oct 21, 2009 11:02am PDT
Report AbuseI can totaly relate in the sadness and having to distance myself. I am lonely in this marriage and have no desire to work on it.
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Posted by Thu Oct 22, 2009 5:43am PDT
Report AbuseWant to hear something kind of related to your circumstance...when I was dating someone in my recent past....all I ever heard was his issues with his first wife...all the bitching, the comparisons, so and so on while I was thinking..."He is literally projecting and displacing all his previous experiences upon my soul, failing to see me as a fresh new start, that the relation I had with this guy never came about, because I knew in secret that he was still hung up on his first love'. There was no us. Sounds like your man is got some deep issues that he is not talking about. This too with my first boyfriend did I remember (which the other side fails to not have a true memory....)how I would have issues in various areas of life, yet he would reply back to me..."I am sick of hearing about your complaints" Yes, I agree with you, your best friend (at least you think is your best friend) is sometimes not at all the BEST you thought he/she would be as. Perhaps if he is annoyed by your complaining find another friend who is willing to listen about your issues to help you resolve them. A lot of couples fail in the listening to one another department not only due to just perception, emotional, and expectations between the sexes as gender roles differ from one another and at times do we collide which begins the thought process of...is this guy really the one I want to be dedicated to?
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Posted by Thu Oct 22, 2009 11:37am PDT
Report AbuseI have the same problem with my husbund alot!! But to be honest i have learned to ignore it with him and not to talk about certian things at least the things that i know will start a fight. I just guess pepole learn to deal with things diffrently .best of luck to u
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Posted by Thu Oct 22, 2009 11:38am PDT
Report AbuseI have the same problem with my husbund alot!! But to be honest i have learned to ignore it with him and not to talk about certian things at least the things that i know will start a fight. I just guess pepole learn to deal with things diffrently .best of luck to u
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