~Future Mother and Daughter In Laws~

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  Posted by MissReed7 Sat Aug 2, 2008 2:55pm PDT

  Honestly, Jessie needs to take a stand now before this starts happening throughout her marriage. Mother in laws can be pushy sometimes. So in the most polite way possible she should just simply say, "I really appreciate the drees, but its not what I had in mind. When you explained the dress over the phone, I had a different image in my head and now that I see it and have it on, its not what I had in mind."

  In her own words of course. But she does need to say it. Because if she doesn't then her soon to be MIL will do this throughout her marriage... heck who knows might even make Jessie change the name of her first born child!

  Just a thought.

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  Posted by M Sat Aug 2, 2008 3:49pm PDT

  I think Jessie should have not lead her future MIL on. By promising that she would go and try it on may have lead the MIL to believe Jessie might like the dress. It is a form of lying by denying your true feelings. This is how deception starts in a marriage. You have to be true and still be polite about it. If Jessie really was not interested, she should have said so from the beginning. IMHO

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  Posted by Feel free... Sat Aug 2, 2008 4:45pm PDT

  I think that, he must wear the promo dress, the mother in law, the perfect dress, and she must watch the show. But, if she can do that, both mother in law and son, may lose their self respect (if any). Heck, there is a solution?

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  Posted by Aurora Sat Aug 2, 2008 6:38pm PDT

  she needs to tell her mother in law nicely that the dress isn't her style or even if it is her size that it still doesn't fit right after she tries it on before its purchased. not every dress style looks good on everyone and every ones shape is different no matter if its the same size or not. plus, even the most gorgeous dress can look good on the hanger and look awful when its on. she should entertain her mother in law and be nice and appreciate the thought, but politely say her thoughts as well. her mother in law might appreciate her honestly and the fact that she tried it anyway.

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  Posted by Lynda Sat Aug 2, 2008 6:43pm PDT

  She needs to come clean right here and now before she gets married and her future MIL takes over running her life for her! Somehow she is going to have to find the courage to stand up for herself, while not losing who she is...you know what I mean? I suggest she finds a dress before she tries this one on and tell her future MIL that she had already had this dress that maybe a friend (you?) bought for her. I know lying is not always the best way to go, but is sure saves on hurting feelings...little white lies are a must for survival!

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  Posted by A Sat Aug 2, 2008 10:30pm PDT

  I believe everyone had very good advice, however I didn't understand bt_4m's and Eureka...Jessie was going to try on the dress... she just didn't like the idea of her MIL purchasing it without her presence... She was caught off guard.... I am not one to promote lying...but I totaly agree with Sassy on little white lies are sometimes a must...

  Nikiti is right MIL's can be pushy, and extremely annoying (luckily I have an awesome MIL and so does my husband, our parents are extremely supportive, and both like for us to be point blank and blunt) and Aurora you had perfect advice... it just doesn't look right on me... Its a pretty dress... just not on me. Thank you Guys! I hope to get more input... especially froms some MIL's! :) Thanks!

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  Posted by michelle m Thu Aug 7, 2008 3:56am PDT

  She should go try on the dress and then tell her she does not like it. meanwhile she should find a dress she is going to wear and tell the mother in law that is what she prefers to wear.It is her special night and nothing should ruin it. Now is the time for your friend to start learning how to stand up for herself because it is pretty obvious that she is signing herself up for a lifetime of being controlled. These things start small.

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  Posted by murmur Thu Aug 7, 2008 4:04am PDT

  ithink the best way to go about it is through her husband to- be. let her tell him to say to the mum he wants to surprise her with a dress. you know what mum-inlaws can be like, let it fall on her son but she has to let him know how she feels about wanting to make her own choice.

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  Posted by Suzanne Thu Aug 7, 2008 3:18pm PDT

  In this situation, with it being something she has to actually wear, I would support the "Oh, it's not quite me" idea. And follow that up with "I'm really hard to shop for, and I'm so excited about this, I really want to shop for this myself, but thank you so much for your help." However, I must follow up by saying that if something comes up that's not important, sometimes it's best to let someone have their way a little. My ex-mother-in-law INSISTED we do assigned seating at my wedding reception. I wanted to be more informal and let people sit wherever they want (what if they met someone new they wanted to get to know better?), but it was very important to her that we assign the seating. She even dropped the "Well we're helping pay for this" card (although they barely helped). Since 80% of the guests were her friends, I caved.... It turned out fine, and yes I look back on that with disgust, but it just wasn't that important at the time, and they day turned out great.

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