She spent her 20s trying not to get knocked up. Now 36,
as she begins the quest for her first pregnancy, the fear of regret
is creeping up on her.
By Joyce Bautista, Cookie's Managing
Editor
If 36-year-old me could sit down for a drink with 21-year-old me, I'd tell the younger me to get thee knocked up ... now. I know, I know. Even women over 70 are still having kids.
But as I begin my quest for my first pregnancy and am faced with polycystic ovaries here and a mysterious cyst there, the fear of regret begins to creep up on me.
Cookie's editors share their parenting tips and frustrations at The Agony and Ecstasy
I spent my 20s having fun (while trying to not get pregnant) and looking for the one and, lucky me, I found him--albeit 12 years later. Should I have worked less and gone out more? Should I have allowed that first boss to match me with every eligible Jewish man she knew? I wanted finding a partner to be natural and organic, the way love should be, right?
Besides, I wasn't going to let not having a man stop me from what I wanted in life. When I started shelling out mucho dinero for my first wave of friends getting married, I decided to stop the woe-is-me act and register for my birthday (presents were optional, of course, but if you were going to get me something, then at least get me something I wanted). When I turned 30, I wanted to be a homeowner, and didn't want to wait to be half of a dual-income household, so with some help from the 'rents, I bought a junior one-bedroom that was all my own.
Related: Post-Pregnancy Beauty: Has becoming a mom robbed her of her looks?
As I got older, I learned that we make our own luck. I got what I wanted (most of the time) because I worked hard to make it happen. Just like love (I met Michael on match.com), this baby isn't going to be a result of wishful thinking. Instead, I'm going to do everything I can, go to every doctor, eat every weird Chinese herb, read every how-to-adopt book until we get a little one of our own. Wish me luck!
Want to read more about Joyce's Pursuit of Pregnancy? Read her second entry: More than a Woman.
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