Gender roles: how strictly do you define them?

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  Posted by Lasombradia Wed Nov 4, 2009 5:36pm PST

  Reading your blog, I inwardly cringed at the thought of a little boy wearing earnings. We have expectations of ourselves and each other, that for the lack of a better word transcends our logic. Just because the homosexual population is growing in numbers and support doesn't mean we don't want men to be men and women to be women. Its not PC to think about it, its definitely not PC to say it.

  We are surrounded by gender contradictions that challenge our definitions constantly. My close friend is the breadwinner of her family and her husband successfully cares for their children. He is by no means less of a man for it. But it doesn't mean it didn't take me a minute to accept something different.

  And that is what your son wanting a piercing represents: Something different. Is it truly wrong? Only he can answer that. We cant answer that for him. Let him be whoever he is meant to be. Good luck.

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  Posted by Katie L Fri Nov 6, 2009 7:05am PST

  I agree with you CafeMom. We aren't in the dark ages.. I'm sure his lil nails looked adorable in navy blue.

  It makes me cringe every time we try and put boys and girls into these lil boxes. Even with just baby clothes, we're putting in their face that they must be like something else. I think both boys and girls should freely be able to do what they want.

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  Posted by Ahleah G Fri Nov 6, 2009 7:43am PST

  Lasombradia, your response alone shows a lot of belief in stereotypes. First of all, I doubt the homosexual population is really growing, just that more people are willing to be open about it instead of feeling forced to live a lie for fear of being beaten or killed. I guess the population of people willing to come out is growing, but merely hearing more about something doesn't mean there actually is more.

  Worse than that is your equation of homosexuality with not being a real man or woman. There is wide variation in how people conform to gender stereotypes regardless of who they have sex with. I know plenty of 'manly' gay men and 'girly' lesbians, just like I know straight men who may exhibit more 'girly' traits and straight women who are more 'manly'.

  I think children should be able to express themselves how they choose. However young children need to be protected to a degree. Allowing him to wear the nail polish and having a conversation about it when unfortunately he was teased I think is a great way for him to learn and make his own decisions. It was not mentioned whether the 4 year old actually wanted his ears pierced or if that was all mom...

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  Posted by Amanda Fri Nov 6, 2009 8:50am PST

  I believe that we should treat our children with the sex that they are, but not restrict them to playing with trucks or barbies. Boys should be dressed as boys and girls should be dressed as girls, when they get old enough to know the difference and know the consequences of being different then we should let them. I think its wrong to force children into a unisex box just because we dont want to assign them gender roles. I have a boy and a girl, and treat them as such, but if my son wants to dress as a fairy, or my daughter wants to play with cars, they do, a 4 year old is too young to know what piercing their ears and painting their nails means to society, they just look at it as "neat".

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  Posted by Joy in Seattle Fri Nov 6, 2009 12:29pm PST

  I am against gender roles. I think they damage both the men and women in a society. We need to accept all as individuals with their own destiny - they are not stereotypes to play a role. Our society has gotten better, but I am shocked when I visit a good friend of mine and they say horrible little sexist comments without realizing it.

  It's funny, I corrected my daughter just yesterday about "sexism" and not making generalizations about boys vs girls. I sincerely hope she grows up understanding that there is no gender role, be who you want, live how you want, and don't fall into the trap of being a "girl."

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  Posted by Velvet Raindrops Fri Nov 6, 2009 1:34pm PST

  My sister used to buy her 4 year old son dolls because he loved little babies and would ask his mom to get him his very own so he could take care of it. He would sleep with his doll and carry it around everywhere and loved being it's "daddy." He eventually outgrew this phase but I don't find any problem with what kind of toys little kids want to play with, they don't understand the complex rules of society and heck let the kid have his/her childhood is how i see it. I used to play with dolls when I was a little girl but at the same time I would also enjoy roughhousing it with the boys and throwing the ol pigskin around. I grew up to be a very feminine tomboy LOL but am still most definitely a girl!

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  Posted by Ravyn M Fri Nov 6, 2009 7:41pm PST

  I let my kids be who they are without assigning labels.My extremely bright little 6 year old boy loooves his baby pie pie and baby bren. He is so sweet with them and loving.How can this be bad? My very manly brother had his baby beans back in the day and he has grown up to be one of the best most loving fathers i know. Let the kids be kids societies rules will come crashing down on them soon enough.

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  Posted by Kai Sat Nov 7, 2009 1:09am PST

  I don't have children of my own, but I do have 5 nieces and nephews that look up to me as an aunt. Personally, I would raise my kids to choose whatever they wanted to do; gender roles are horribly outdated and sexist on both ends of the spectrum, though girls seem to suffer more, since being called a 'girl' is usually meant as an insult. (eg. "You throw like a girl") When we expect males to be a certain way and females to be a certain other way, it just creates a lot of confusion, stereotypes and social conflict when someone doesn't conform well enough to those gender roles.

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  Posted by Laura Sat Nov 7, 2009 5:00pm PST

  Personally, I love that our son refers to the vacuum cleaner as being daddy's and the wheelbarrow as being mommy's. He loves the play kitchen and plays with baby dolls more than his sister does. As a woman in a male-dominated field, I hate stereotypes and won't raise my kids to perpetuate them.

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  Posted by Jenn Sat Nov 7, 2009 11:28pm PST

  I let my daughter be herself. If having pink hair, wearing girl clothes one day, unisex the next and boys shoes makes her happy then so be it. I also can't believe I still hear that this should apply to work. Sure, sometimes you must dress more professional but if a man wants to wear a dress and a woman a tie, I honestly don't care. It's none of my business.

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