Photo Credit: Getty Images
I wish.
That was all a big fat lie. Except for the part about sticking to the challenge. Amazingly, even Crabmommy, Queen of Laziness, has been doing her workout, and I'm seeing results, just not the results that I wanted. I'm afraid I'm not yet seeing the mid-chunk disappear; if anything my tum seems to be sticking out more than before! Flabulous, then, rather than fabulous. Seriously, in just two weeks of tummy crunches and the like, I'm seeing a bigger mom-tum than when I did nothing but lie on my bed eating Gummi bears!
One of my commenters warned me about this phenomenon: apparently for some mums, traditional tummy exercises will only further distend the abdominal chunk-section. Nothing like getting down to the nasty business of post-baby exercise only to find it makes you look preggie again! Sheesh!
On Googling such lovely phrases as "postpartum tummy" and "distended" I found the word "diastasis," a word whose very sound makes me want to give up this exercise nonsense pronto and scarf down a bag of Gummis. Yup, this convex tummy business appears to be a common theme in the postpartum workout literature. Apparently you have to strengthen "the transverse muscles" after having a tot, and if you don't do it right you can balloon out at the very spot where you're trying to squish it all back in.
Why's it so dang complicated to tone a post-preg tum? Before I started this I figured if I did something—anything—that caused unpleasant burning sensations in the ab-flab area it would undoubtedly be good for eliminating the mom-flap. But I think it's going to take more than that.
Okay, here's my plan for this week: I'm forgoing traditional sit-ups in favor of bits of a Pilates DVD my sister-in-law sent me. Specifically, I'll be homing in on those cruel scissoring-leg core-burning moves they get up to in Pilates, for a total of 3 agonizing minutes. The remaining 2 minutes will be given over to full push-ups with stomach engaged (I can only manage 10 push-ups, but hey, at least they're not girly ones); then I will attempt this weird navel to backbone scoop-y maneuver that some tummy-guru calls the Tupler technique. The Tupler technique is meant to cure you of this diastasis thing. I still don't know if I fully understand it all, but Tupler says you're meant to do 1000 of these things a day, every day, for the rest of your life. Right.
Anyone else have any tips? I will come back to you next week with another report and a formalized workout plan to suggest for our mom-flap-busting group, culling tips from experts and readers alike. What's been working for you? Have you gals been sticking to the vow? Have you given up already? Spill!
More from Cookie:- Are You Ready for Another Child?
Take this humorous quiz and to find out if you're ready or not for number two, three or higher. - Maternity Style
Cookie's rounded up the seven pregnancy wardrobe essentials to keep you as stylish as ever. - Summer Memory Contest
Submit your favorite family photo for a chance to win a spa trip! - Subscribe to Cookie for Just $1 an issue - Get an Exclusive Red Striped Tote Free!
