And as a mom I say, duh! I mean, it seems like common sense. You don't have to be a psychologist or behavioral scientist to know, in your gut, that downtime is important, that being free to engage in their own spontaneous amusements is not only fun for kids but it 's good for them, allowing them to tap into their imaginations, talents, and problem-solving skills in a natural way. After all, we were kids once. We all remember making mud pies, or building something out of sticks, or throwing a ball for hours at a wall, or making up fantasy worlds with friends both real and imaginary.
Take it outside: These backyard toys will have imaginations running wild in no time.
But evidently play is in danger of going out of fashion and according to the experts, this is itself a dangerous game. The fact is that playtime really isn't recognized for the essential thing that it is in our society, otherwise we wouldn't see these articles popping up all over the place, with ominous phrases like "play deprivation" entering our parental vocab and profiles on serial killers who never frolicked with others in a sandbox. Certainly the experts are clear: fool around with the serious importance of play and you're messing with kids' minds. Take away recess and kids won't function properly; structure all fun into activities led efficiently by grownups and you're going to get kids who can't take initiative, have no natural curiosity, and don't know how to de-stress or regulate their own focus. I believe all of that. It makes sense to me. But the simple truth—in my life anyway—is that free play is hard to come by.
I've thought a lot about this in the last couple of years because I think I'm in a position many parents are in: I know free, fun, physical playtime is crucial, but out of necessity my daughter has spent much of her young life at daycares and schools, where structure is unavoidable. I couldn't afford most of the Waldorf-type preschools (and the few I could afford had never-ending wait-lists) so my daughter has always been in more mainstream childcare, places that have all had plenty of pluses, but never enough free play time for my liking.
Also, my own lifestyle and choices haven't been ideal for fostering a perfect play-friendly environment. We've always lived in small apartments and haven't had fenced-in yards. We've also lived in places with harsh climates, so all-important outside time is limited for little ones anyway. Plus, we have just one child. These factors can conspire, making it harder to give a child "rambunctious playtime," especially with others, without structuring it. For example, when you live in an urban apartment complex, you're more likely to sign your toddler up for a tumbling class—not because you're some striving, scheduling maniac-mommy, but because you want your child to romp around in a way that she can't at home. And while tumbling might sound like wild fun, these classes rarely are. After all, the instructor has tons of kids to watch; there are liabilities; everything has to happen according to a schedule. In other words, even the rambunctious activities turn tame when they're structured.
Stuck indoors? Here are 101 activities that will keep kids busy at
play.
Indeed, free, unfocused, open playtime can be a luxury for even the parents who want it like crazy. Especially if our kids grow up to attend public school where teachers often penalize children for bad behavior by keeping them from recess. Seriously, how can anyone get a teaching license these days with that kind of backward mindset? But, apparently, they can. This is mentioned in the Times piece; it also happened to a friend of mine's kid last week who was kept in from recess as a punishment for naughtiness.
I truly feel my gravest current challenge as a parent is preserving what should be easy but isn't: a time and place for free-range fun. For the last six months, I have consciously worked hard to allow Crabkid to goof off. It's taken real effort my part to make this happen. First, I had to make some decisions about activities. I figure since my 4-year-old has a full school day, that's enough. I no longer do any after-school dance classes or anything else extracurricular, not one thing. I've also rearranged my schedule: I count myself lucky that most days I can pick up my child after school at 2.15 at which point I sit on a bench or a step, bored out of my mind, so that she can do what she wants to do and what I want her to do—play on the school playground with chums. I do find it ironic that preserving playtime requires such hard work on my part: it's not easy to find time to sit at the playground but I worry if I don't that my daughter isn't getting enough of the fun she needs for her well-being.
Beware of hothouse parenting: Why it's important to give kids a little freedom to misbehave.Crabkid attends a public school with a private pre-K program. It's an awesome school and we're lucky she's in it. But it's still public school, with somewhat traditional biases. I can see that I'm going to have to keep my eye on things like recess, so that I can be sure no one ever disciplines Crabkid by withholding her vital free time. All those of us with kids in public, or traditional-curriculum schools have to be vigilant this way. If we parents don't push to protect it, recess may disappear altogether when it's clear that if anything recess needs to be extended for maximum benefit.
Child's play: such a grim topic it even turns a usually trivial Crabmommy into a serious mommy. Sheesh! I need to go and take my chill pill. Or take a spin on the tire swing.
What about you and yours? Do you worry about free play or is there plenty of it in your kids' lives?
These Cookie-approved toys and games will guarantee a fun time whenever and wherever.
More from Crabmommy:
