Today marks the very first day of the very last
week in my first trimester! We are happy, excited,
nervous, scared and not even 50% ready for this yet. When I
say ready, I mean we need to move to a bigger place, start saving
funds together, officially move in together after 2 + years,
discard at least one of our Comcast accounts and pay one
rent... and so many other things. This pregnancy
was a complete surprise for us so we're not really going
to be ready. But we have some time to prepare. By
the time this baby arrives he will be 30 and I will be
29, so we're not too young as far as I'm
concerned. And we are very happy together as a couple, and
even though we're not married we believe we will always
have a great relationship as parents if nothing else. We have
no intentions of getting married at this point, but we are in love
and that's what matter most to us. That and having a
healthy baby come October!!
Now comes my sad part... I HATE MY JOB! I mean
seriously hate this job with such a passion that I want to cry each
morning on my way to work. Not because my work is too hard,
not because my job is too stressful.. my workload is the easy
part. It's the people I work with and for. I
won't go into details but it's not the pharma world I'm
used to and it's not the way things should be done. They
are very half assed and love to say that because they’re a small
company they don't have to do things like everyone else.
Blah blah blah... Anyway, I had every intention of quitting this
job this year!! Every intention! Everything in my body
tells me to quit this job before they drive me certifiably
insane.. I was going to start the year off with my 2 weeks’ notice
but we had planned a trip to Key West at the end of February, and
his grandpa died at the beginning of February so we had an
unplanned trip to California too. Along with trying to pay
off Christmas and get me a new car since mine died. So we
figured I'd be able to quit come March or April and take some
time to find something I may enjoy, even in today's crappy
economy, like dog walking... lol! Yes I would
actually prefer that over this any day! Our
lives are lived in quite a cheap manner so we
weren't too concerned... Then February 21st came... along
with about 12 positive pregnancy tests...
Obviously now that has all changed. We have another life
coming that will depend on us for everything...
I'm the one with a 9 - 5, Monday - Friday job...
I'm the one with health insurance... ~ which by the
way won't cover our child ~
I'm the one who works on the books...
I'm the one who works every day...
I'm the one who actually gets a weekly paycheck, every single
week...
I'm the one who hates my job...
I'm the one who wants to stay home every day while he gets to
and wants to go work...
I don't blame him for any of this, he can afford his life
as it is now...
I just wish I had done something years ago. Although I did
try but once people saw my history and pay they refused to hire me
due to fear that I would just quit an go back to what I already
knew.
Now I don't know what to do... here I am stuck in this crap job
that I cannot stand for al least another year... and I'm going
to hate it even more when the little one gets here. I only
get 12 vacation days a year. I only get 6 paid holidays a
year, (I work for Jewish men and they don't give us our
holidays as I’m used to). I am not allowed to add my
child to my health insurance policy here; I have to acquire an
outside insurance for him/her. And I have to fight with my
boss to even use any of my time off because he has a family
(meaning has a wife and children) and I don't so he should
be the one to spend the holidays (we don't get) at home with
his family.
I keep saying that after I return from maternity leave I'm
going to give my 2 weeks’ notice and stay home for a couple
months. I would love to do that. But I have this deep
sinking feeling that it's just not ever going to
happen. I know he would never ever be able to handle a
corporate 9 - 5, M - F job, nor do I think he would ever even
try...
Ahhhh.. so I’m feeling slightly stressed about this. Sorry for writing a book and thanks for listening!
