was it lust or love?

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  Posted by urassismine2 Fri Oct 23, 2009 10:34pm PDT

  When a ranch owner buys a calf, he raises it to become a productive entity,..usually. Sometimes, he finds a nice one and realizes that its just to sweet to "slaughter". You recieved the sweetlife tutelage that living on his farm brought you. You had special privileges as his pet female. You may have been special, and thought so, like a special calf would, however,..that owner had to release you, because he may have been in the business that required him to move "cows", in a different way. He may have sent you to the petting zoo, to protect you from life, and his wish for you, in life may have been to be more safe away from him and stable for it. He may have just realized that milking you of your essense, everyday,..may not have been in your best interest. Though he's gone, thats what a real man does. He "releases you" to go on in your life, successfully...and,...we,as men, grow as we travel..through life...Just a thought.

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  Posted by Vanilla Sat Oct 24, 2009 5:08am PDT

  I have almost very similar situation. Have been holding a crush on a guy for almost 7 years. But now, I moved on. I try to have a wonderful life and enjoy things am doing so much. I expand my social life and really enjoy. it's pointless when i expect to hear from him, and he is very polite to me without any passion now. Just like an old friend.

  He once told me that love doesn't exist very long, but friendship can exist forever. Now i kind of understand this.good luck to you ")

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  Posted by Mauna Sat Oct 24, 2009 6:10am PDT

  To move on...you really need to be your own critical analyzer, perhaps write an essay, or a story about your relation with the one who you still love, yet his visible actions of wanting to try again with you are showing else wise. Then put away the story, pick it up later, reexamine, re-analyze, etc. He is probably not out of your system because you seem not to have an 'outlet' to talk about your circumstance with the one you became attached to. If you intentionally keep dwelling on him, he will never leave your life and you will not be able to move on. He is not the only entire male in the world, there are plenty of good male souls out there, give them a chance to prove that to you and then you will find that you are able to move on in life. Let him go, or else it may turn into an ugly obsession.

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  Posted by Gumdrops Sat Oct 24, 2009 7:52am PDT

  This is good news. When you feel the strongest for someone that you have divorced, no matter how long it has been, you need to either move on or move towards them. He has given you no reason to believe he is even the least bit interested. The reason you are not moving on is you are totally immersed in the pain of the past and are afraid of getting the same thing by moving forward. Stuck, no forward movement, no backward movement. Tell me, who is in control of you? Who is doing this to you? Who is making you go over and over and over the good thoughts of the past and forgetting the patterns that lead to the divorce? You. How does someone lose weight? Changes in lifestyle. How does someone find a higher power? Changes in lifestyle. How does someone do anything for themself? Changes in lifestyle. What do you need to do to move forward and on with your life? The past moulds us, it prepares us for our future, it is necessary so we have lessons to learn from and become better to ourselves. If it was all peaches and cream, you'd still be there. It wasn't and you are deluding yourself. What lessons did you learn? All of the negative thoughts are not lessons, those are opinions. Open yourself up to exploring new things, maybe even to a lot of things you forgot about that are really who you are.

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  Posted by Gyns Sat Oct 24, 2009 8:39am PDT

  You don't say you were married and divorced just that you were together. Why didn't you commit to each other when you were 'together'? It has been ten years.. How many more years are you willing to spend on this relationship? Where do you see yourself in five years? These are just some of the questions you will have to answer eventually; why not now? You may be seeing him through rose colored glasses. If so, write a list of what you loved and miss about him and what you don't. Believe that you will find these in another and you will love and be loved. Start now.

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  Posted by BRIAN Sat Oct 24, 2009 9:36am PDT

  i am or should i say was in love with my wife a beutiful vietnamese girl for just over 7 years we have two beutiful children together and i was and really still am still in love with her and oen day out of the blue she filed for divorce and that hit me like a ton of bricks, i was devistated, and i had no clue that it was comming and infact i was living my lifes dream and could'nt be happier. here i am now knowing that i must move on with my life and it is hard to do yet i keep going on doing the best that i can remembering my wife gave me two great children and she gave me the best times of my life and she also gave me the worst time of my life like a real bad nightmare and i cant wake up. and the hurt that brought on to me i know i well have to live with the rest of my life i move on knowing the wound is deep and some day it will heal

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  Posted by Fashionista Sat Oct 24, 2009 11:01am PDT

  Hello lust or love,

  the advice columnist is in! It is very hard to get over someone you've spent your life with for eight years so even though it's very cliche, time heals all wounds! You're just not ready to take on the endeavor of getting involved with someone else just yet. Take some time out for yourself by getting involved in some social activities such as taking a class(pottery, sewing,writing, etc.) or joining a club and I guarantee you in time, you will get back into the dating scene when you are ready!

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  Posted by blondie Sat Oct 24, 2009 2:34pm PDT

  I say you tell him how you feel. You'll always wonder what would have been if you tried to get back together. Try forwarding a funny e-mail, or just asking him what's up. Try to have him meet you for coffee to "catch up" because seeing you in person will spark feelings again, if he has any.

  He may coldly reject you, nicely shoo you away, or start considering it. You may be hurt all over again but at least you'll know how he feels about it and you won't keep wondering. Make sure you come across as happy, independent, and somewhat carefree. Men love that. And, a lot of the time, the second time IS the charm. You both have had time to get past all the resentment that may have been there, and you have both changed as people because two years is a good period of time for a human. But if it doesn't work out? You'll find a man who you will be head over heels for and who will make you so happy.

  If he rejects you, move on. Get out there and meet new guys, date a little. Keep yourself busy with girlfriends and fun classes and shopping and work! Do things that you think you might not like, because I guarantee you'll probably end up liking it! Get out there and do things you would normally say no to. Your heart will heal.

  I'm going through the EXACT same thing. My ex and I were together were 3 years, lived together, talked about marriage almost daily. He was and probably still is so perfect for me. He was so good to me. I messed it up big time though, I cheated on him and he found out. Biggest regret of my life. I'm still not over him whatsoever, and here I am dating another guy, living with him for 6 months now. So I wouldn't suggest a rebound. He has a new girlfriend and is living with her now and he's happy. That's what important to me is him being happy. Back in May, my current boyfriend did the exact same thing to me that I did to my ex. I broke up with him and tried to get my ex back. He politely said that he was happy now and I respect that. I ended up getting back with the cheater boyfriend and we're still together but it's a mistake.

  At least I know though. I tried to get him back and it's not going to work out. I'm still heartbroken but all I can do is immerse myself in life and block the memories. I'll get over it eventually. Just be strong in whatever happens.

  What's meant to be will eventually be.

  ~Tayler

  t_trayne@yahoo.com

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  Posted by leese Sat Oct 24, 2009 3:47pm PDT

  I had an experience with my best friend's twin brother. We dated for aprox 6 months, then he got back together with his cheating ex-girlfriend. We tried the on again off again scenario for 5 yrs. After a while of this you learn to mis-trust, he loves women and cheated whenever he had the opportunity. After the last off again, I decided I was DONE...It has been 3 yrs, he is married to the girl he left me for for the last time, happily not sure they both have cheated on one another. As for me and my life I have met a man who I am in love with and I didnt think I would ever get over my ex. I am still best friends with his twin sister, it has been a struggle for us and our friendship. She always wanted us to get married. I havent seen him in almost 4 yrs and we dont talk. Not sure what would happen if we did, the best advice is move on you do deserve much better then what this guy has to offer. Once you realize this it will be like a "light bulb" moment and you will be much happier and able to move forward.

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  Posted by Patty Cake Sat Oct 24, 2009 4:11pm PDT

  Blue Eyes I wish you luck in getting over your man. I was married for 13 years and we let "other people" come between us. (too much to go into) We have been divorced for 6 years and I can still feel his touch, how it was when we met,etc and I too wonder will there ever be anyone else that I Love in my life. I have had other friends but am convinced that I will never have another relationship that is serious enough for marriage-too much game. Take care

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